


the adventures of Frumpkin

by warlock_enthusiast



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-04 17:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlock_enthusiast/pseuds/warlock_enthusiast
Summary: Frumpkin meets some new friends and shares his adventures





	1. new friends

Caleb summoned me in a tavern.

He smelled like sadness and hurt. Have to curl up against his back, if he doesn’t forget to let me stay with him. I think that he had a really bad day. Not that I’ve seen much of it. I’m glad he’s still around. Always knows how to tickle my ears. Can’t tickle my ears when he’s dead, because I’d be gone too. Rather not think too much about that possibility. 

Seems like they’ve found some new friends. Loud friends. One of them smells like fire and cake. Don’t know why. Her voice is a bit shrill for my liking, but she played cards with Nott. Can’t be that intolerable. Sadly, I found no pieces of cake on her.

Fought the urge to jump after her tail.

Sat on the lap of a nice lady instead. Didn’t want to hurl my claws into her thighs, because she got good strong fingers. Perfect for petting. Thought about offering her my very soft belly. Decided against it, because it’s the highest honor, and she has to prove herself worthy. 

But she seemed to enjoy my attentions a lot. Starting to purr loudly and butted my head against her chin. Wouldn’t mind sitting on her lap again.

Left a ton of hair on her, though. Oranges clashes with her blue sash. Not my problem.

Also: I’m not a fake cat.

Will distribute balls of fur around the tavern for further prove of my corporal form. 

Tall greenish guy sneezed a lot. Guess, he doesn’t like me. Need to figure out where he sleeps and roll around in his sheets for a bit. Life gets boring, if your wizard forgets to summon you from time to time.

Fought the urge to jump after another tail. Why so many tails? They’re always moving, twitching. Ugh. Have to concentrate. And he smells like blood. 

Somehow wrong. Very suspicious.

Another lady looked like a tree and smelled really strange. Need to rub myself against her legs some time to figure her out. Climbing her seems like fun. Hope that she likes cats. Will be sad, if not. 

They left. Caleb forgot me. 

Again.

Could be an asset in a fight, claw some people’s eyes out, or scream at them, or make them sneeze, but no. He needs to appreciate me more. 

Back to sleep then. Haven’t had a good nap in about 2 hours anyhow.


	2. dead bodies and belly licking

Everything went to shit.

Was sleeping peacefully and suddenly too much noise, the smell of corrupted flesh and blood. Really not happy. Wasn’t afraid or anything. Just surprised. Lost a bit of fur, tough.

Well, _a lot_ of fur.

Should have known that something was wrong with the carnival. Watched the fight from the sidelines. Tried not to intervene. Wouldn’t rob Caleb’s new friends of their glory.

Then Caleb sent me to follow the horned one and some guards. Chains are not pretty. Followed bravely. Not heroic, but something to do. Five minutes in and I felt him him in my head. Ugh. Gets stuffy in there. One day, he’ll try to lick himself clean. Maybe not the worst choice considering his stench.

Seems to like the colorful one? Feels like he wants to protect him. Still smells like blood. Has a lot of scars, too. Bit sad that my claws will never cut that deep. Need to catch his tail, if an opportunity arises.

Start to like the Inn. Not a home, but a good start. Tired of the forest. Rats are fatter in town and the beds are warm.

Got bored listening to them. Caleb wants to leave. Again. Maybe was wrong. Doesn’t like anyone? Besides Nott. Didn’t follow the conversation closely. Paws needed cleaning, belly some licking.

Had to sit on Nott’s shoulder a lot. Fought the urge to hunt her ears. They twitch like mine at times and we both like shiny things. She’s a weird one. So is Caleb.

Blue pastry girl patted me. Started purring. Quickly hid any sign of emotion. Can’t like them all. Never get too attached to anyone.

Felt magic on my fur and was not impressed. I’m a magical being after all. Very impressive body, whiskers and composure.

Rode Nott through town. Nice view. Looked tall, but I have feet, you know. Almost fall asleep against her head. Townspeople are boring. Knew nothing. Dull humans and their dull speeches. Must have finally nodded off. Sadly didn’t get my 20 hours of sleep.

Suddenly woke up in a store. Dust tickled my nose and I sneezed and followed Caleb’s commands, jumped through the planes like some stupid pet. He had the guts to try to pawn me off for some books? Will never happen. I’m far too clever.

And too bound to him.

Also: got hit. It hurt. Spit everyone in the face.

Shop owner doesn't like cats? Will sit on his lap next time and be a sweet, sweet cat. All purrs and love and fur. He’ll have to rethink his opinion then.

Got praised a bit. Still angry at Caleb, though.

 _Note to myself:_ sit on Caleb’s face tonight. Ass first.

Back to the Inn. Lots of walking and talking tonight. Blessed be my superior night vision and my ears.

They wanted me to hold some robes? Not the brightest bunch, I guess.

Carnival still smelled bad. Like rotting flesh. Something evil and bitter. Tried not to appear afraid. Fur on my neck stood up. Traitorous fur. Everyone looked and sounded and acted weird. Huge black scales felt like darkness. Didn’t want to get so close to it.

Nott got nervous and started to suddenly hiss at me. Couldn’t understand her intentions. Thought that she liked me? Was wrong. Hurt my pride. 

Hissed back.

Sprayed something extra in her face. No one messes with Frumpkin.

_No one._

Found Caleb and the tall one. Something off with him, too. Not as off as with the dead people. His eyes are like mine. Pretty.

No pets from the strong one, today. Missed butting her chin and sitting on her lap. Instead: more dead people.

Fantastic. Will never get the smell out of my fur, now. Need a bath. 

Not a good day.


	3. sparrows and dead things

Not my week.

Neither Caleb’s.

Fought against dead people. Again.

Smell of brimstone in my nose. Blood on my paws and too much rotten flesh for my taste. Served as another pair of eyes and ears and got sent away from the fighting. Do not like the tents, because of the darkness hiding in the corners.

Got petted, at least. I like the blue one, who smells like berries and sweets and colors. Very gentle, with magic on her skin and a shadow on her back. Will grant her the permission to pet me on a regular basis. 

Won fight. Great heroes. Or so they think. Smelled their wounds and heard their ragged breathing on the way back to the Inn.

Sad that the tall one wouldn’t let me come near him. His voice is soothing. Makes me think of purrs. Left him a surprise in his and the lavender one’s room.

He better appreciate it.

 _Really_ not my week.

Caleb burned a lot of incense, hard to breathe, and I changed my form. Always feels a bit a weird. Prefer to have four legs and whiskers. Wings are nice, though. 

And I’m cute with feathers. Very fluffy and adorable. Tried my best to practice a death stare. Hard with a body like that. Tail is gone, too. So are my claws. Life is hard. Puffed up my feathers and decided to sit on the horns of the blue and lavender one. Her horns are better for nesting.

Thought about nicking some of her hair. It looks so pretty and silky and her voice sounds like bells. 

Blessed her with poop instead, for luck. She needed it.

Caleb let me fly around then. Thought that he’d forgotten all about me with his nose in his books, eyes idly scanning words and pages. Words make him happy. 

Flying offered a weird sense of freedom. Tried not to think about it too much, because the ground looked far away. Saw islands and water and felt something strange. Tendrils of black floating on rocks and trees. Didn’t help, because the sun vanished.

Not sure, if they’re good at planning? Ignored much of their words and concentrated on flapping my wings and picking up some crumbs from the floor.

Sat on Caleb’s shoulders, as we crossed the lake. Waxing moon left silver slivers on the water. Somehow pretty. 

Fought against darkness. A nightmare. Saw everything from above, death and decay hovering in the air. A sweet voice lulling them in. Wanted to pick her eyes out, but sparrows are too small and too fragile. The strong one took care of her.

And I saw Caleb fall. 

Felt his life pouring into the ground, my own form getting thinner and thinner. Hate that fear and sadness. Felt powerless. Wanted to help.

Couldn’t.

Nott is a hero and very brave. I’m glad that Caleb found something to take care of him and to protect him. They better stay together with the rest.

I’m safe. They’re safe.

For now.

Want to be a cat again and curl up in front of a cozy fire. Preferable with some good chin scratches, maybe a bit of yarn. 

Need a long nap.


	4. still a bird

Being a bird is hard.

Can’t lick my belly. Can’t lick my paws. Can’t lick my behind. Got no fur in general. Feel the itch to chase after my own feathers. Not good.

Miss my claws. What is life without claws? Not worth it.

And Caleb forgets me. All the time. No chance of me leaving fur on his clothing, though. Only small and fluffy feathers. Tried to puff myself up to appear larger. Didn’t work. Need to work on my chirping. Maybe that’ll get his attention.

Nott tried to eat me twice. I’m too fast for her. Ha. Won’t bring her shiny things again. Her teeth are scary.

Spent most of the day perched on Caleb’s shoulders. Guess no one noticed a small bird sitting between the folds of his clothing. He talked a lot. Felt strange to see him in control. Ordered around the new friends. Seemed to be frustrated a lot. Talked some more.

Got bored. Flew around in a strange, official looking chamber. Left some poop on a crownsguard.

Left some more poop on another one.

So bored.

Poop for everyone. Not the lucky kind that I left on the blue one.

Chirped into Caleb’s ear and got no reaction. Chirped louder.

Still nothing.

Bored.

The tall one is back. I’m impressed. Hair looks inviting. Maybe good for nesting?

Home tavern got good ale. Tried it. Drinking with a beak is hard. Hopped around on the table, found some crumbs on the wood. Everyone looked tired. Decisions were made.

And strong one vanished into the night. Without petting me. Not happy.

Bored.

Slept in Caleb’s hair. It’s soft. Really, really soft. He snores. Can’t chocke him with my body weight. Too small. 

Went shopping in the morning.

Decided to sleep some more.

Loved the bath. Drenched myself in a small basin. Looked extra fluffy afterward. Smelled like roses. No one noticed. Made me sad. I’m not as cute as in my cat form, but still very cute and very helpful. Even blue one ignored me. Wanted to sit on her horns a bit more, but got distracted. Need to remind myself of horn sitting.

Decided to leave town. Yeah. Hopefully we’ll have some adventures. Hopefully we won’t end up in prison again. Hated it there. Too much darkness and pain. Not to mention the desperation.

Will concentrate on better things. Have to admit that flying is nice. Goodbye small town and dead things. Smelled enough dead flesh for a lifetime. Especially a magical lifetime. Will not spare a tear for that town. 

Would like to sit in the cart with the others. Seems cozy. Maybe will finally get some cuddles.

Got scared when Nott tried to handle the horse. Sounded like a banshee. Poor sparrow ears.

Do I even have ears?

Need to do some research. Caleb should buy a book about avian creatures. Never enough books.

And Caleb trusts the green one. His eyes are weird. He smells like salt and tang. Didn’t sneeze, because I’m a bird now. Like him more.

He’s pretty. Happy that he won’t know that.

I want to be a cat again.


	5. Chirp

Didn’t get better.

Still a damn bird.

Feel small and vulnerable. Have no means of attacking but pooping. Need to try pooping in someone's eyes. Don’t think that Caleb will be happy with me, though. Not that he cares. Forgets about me all the time. 

Left town. Already miss the tavern. Horse is also not cuter than me and gets more attention. Not happy. 

Soared above the group. Need to erase the memory of the smell of dead flesh. Will be hard, but blue sky is helping. 

Caleb used me as his eyes again. More failure than success. Has to understand that I’m not a talented sparrow. Just want to be a cat again. I’m a superior cat and a mediocre bird. Good thing he can’t understand me.

_Chirp, chirp, Caleb._

_You hear me? Chirp._

Got woken up during the night. Still not sure why. Someone saw something. Was tired. Did not pay attention. Can’t see anything in darkness. Could so as a cat. 

Fell asleep nestled in Caleb’s hair.

Tall one seemed unsettled. Eyes too dark and too haunted and voice too soft. Moves too carefully, every step like a play. Hides something. They all do. Some more than others. Wonder when Caleb will share his story. If ever.

Caleb liked tall one’s sword. Felt how impressed he was with the magic weapon. Talked a while about swords. Didn’t know what to make of it. Blue one started to chuckle at one point. Joined her quietly. 

Decided to sleep in a town. Found burning houses instead of rest. Flickering flames and smoke. Started to believe that we’re cursed. Or plain unlucky. 

Beast-like creatures attacked us. Caleb did the right thing. Hid. And hid again. Magic won’t protect him from a sword. Others are better in a fight, tall one or blue one and the one with the strong fingers. Even Nott. Quick. A screaming shadow. Didn’t see much, because of the smoke. 

Things still try to kill us.

All the time. 

Caleb found some coal in the ashes. Will hopefully make me a cat again. Lavendel one’s incense is not enough. Remember how he smelled like blood. Ruffles my feathers. He looked scared after the fight. Almost died. Again. Can’t blame him for being afraid. 

Only one room. One bed. Slept atop of the blue one. She offers warmth and cuddles. Hiding between her ruffles is nice. Also shields me from Nott, who moves too much during sleep.

Will things try to kill us tomorrow?

Probably.

Fell asleep wondering, if unicorns exists.

Chirp.


	6. meh

Be a bird, they said.

It will be fun, they said.

I’m done.

Frumpkin out.

…

Dying is no fun. 

Maybe I shouldn't return. 

...

Of course, I will stay with them. I can’t leave Caleb. Still bound to him. Regret my decision from time to time. Slept in a stinky room full of stinky people. Not sure, if I’m even supposed to smell anything as a sparrow. 

Maybe my feline memory is playing tricks on me. 

Blue one is soft, though. So is tall one. Both kept me from getting hit in my sleep. Nott nearly fell out of bed. Five times. Caleb slept like a stone. Seldom moves at all. Had to sit on his face and check for breathing. Just to make sure. Somehow, tall one tried to wrap around his arm around everyone. Funny sight. Arm is surely not long enough. 

Day started with boredom. 

Parts of the town looked burned. Dead. Talked to weird folks, flew above in the sky. Saw ash and grief. Don’t like this part of the land. Hoped that Caleb would find a way into a bigger city. With people, who don’t act so funny.

At least, blond guard seems nice. Their hair looks soft. Have to sit in it for further investigation. Sadly, hadn’t had the time to do so.

Caleb bought incense. Horrah! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Can almost feel my paws and beautiful fur. The way my ears twitch. Need to motivate Caleb to hurry up with his magic. 

The tall one also gave him some smelly sticks of incense. Start to like him better. Will hopefully be a cat again soon and rub my butt all over his face. 

Have to show my appreciation and such.

Forgot that I can’t see anything in the dark. Caleb didn’t care. Sent me right into a mine. All black. Just a few spots of light and I didn’t see the stone coming. Hit it full flight. Saw stars. Wouldn’t have happened in cat form. Hurt badly.

Meh.

Everything got worse then. 

Dark mines are never the place to be. Got stuffed in Nott’s clothing. Ew. Had to press wings tightly against my side. Felt a bit sick. Head swam. Don’t want to repeat the experience. Nott drinks too much, too. Would talk about it, if I had a voice. Isn’t there a spell to understand me? 

Caleb, please.

Gnolls again. Ugly dogs made ugly sounds. 

At some point, Nott used lavendel one’s arse to take a shot. What have I gotten myself into? Tried to stay quiet. May have chirped once or twice. Gnolls are frightening. 

Also: not a fan of arse based battle techniques. 

Won. 

Tall one looked bad. Blue one’s magic ruffled my feathers. Didn’t know why. Better than lavendel one’s bleeding eye trick, though.

Seems we’re off to go deeper into the mine. Still can’t see anything. Why not burn incense here? I’m much more of help as a cat. Would at least not hit walls of stone.

But no … screaming women, missing children. Have to do the right thing.

Being a heroic, dead, sparrow strains my nerves.


End file.
